Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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+ j0 E* C2 B2 M6 C, m% u( \> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
0 h; J* S  d, C> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
4 ~' u7 H9 Y3 Z) D1 S> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
  N' E3 n; G& x5 B3 `> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
' w0 l5 P0 v+ E& j>thinking."
4 g& S( E. ]+ W> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
7 y6 A( O$ u3 @# n' Z> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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) E1 ^# l1 A( B, F> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
0 y: y: a+ v' \. l>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
- q7 F" q% J- j+ J8 q> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
+ w7 B! r: B+ ~4 P/ K> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
: s' j9 k; d# `+ p! i> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
* C/ i; @- O4 h> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
. P& E, M! |3 `9 z> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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. M: k: R; ?8 j" }! [2 v> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
6 q  \4 W! Y$ U( t> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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' ~' K( u. b5 m, o. v/ o> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
1 g0 ^+ l) }% B, Y> > > >piss!!"
: H* H! ]) n0 }( L> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
  ~4 A6 M2 S* B* J> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
1 m( L' u& {/ {, Z> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
# _' j/ }' W( W) g5 H> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
; u- J. f- G0 ?' |: Y3 U9 d, I> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
0 k4 f- n3 F) @4 f6 e! T> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
' t2 @* H; {8 M+ f# n3 f0 y> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
! k9 E/ \$ e7 B" s8 h. \> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
: H; g4 c3 ~5 _5 W> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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$ _( Y  C* a% E( q* `> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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3 {: E8 b- {2 t) y( p> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
5 I1 O1 ~; a1 i/ S' D+ Y> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
7 g  v0 {( _  o, J> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business