请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
- @& v8 |6 O  I4 a1 [' @8 F- G" }$ ~However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
5 s3 n6 u% i0 I5 T
% [6 ~- c* v5 B* v


& |" n" p9 h* {) P( p+ d


Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
( X4 k' r: _$ V3 ^* M7 ^              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
- [+ u" t: K3 `* T7 [% i/ ?, ], H              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
: r8 b9 \  I4 |9 y$ J              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
8 ?, n  u& d( v# b8 P' n$ X* K8 SHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) X4 \: q' M2 R- P5 v9 a; _             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
, X( @* c) H0 G* ]: t3 kNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
% g3 k0 V  E( z0 K& |             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
) V+ ~. h' t+ u5 C3 w$ X2 q, Q. bBasically, I almost finish this poem
- F1 u+ e, Z0 p) r3 q7 z% K               I am 一个人de精彩
2 x' B0 b  v# X! i! V# u" N/ `               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
7 _1 \4 @" }7 k# b" W) H8 j
; B% D: X' G% x6 T8 J5 d: W! D卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
3 i0 Y7 p0 F5 V+ a5 `3 J( DSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
3 W% T# S" X* wSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
" F& E0 J) S7 H! o& U
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 v5 x+ }' t( M( ^. gSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
. a2 W; R7 f2 h; c9 K: i. ESomehow I lost myself inside it again
, H, ?- n+ P* t% @" I
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
! Z& W0 X) V8 x* w0 T! cSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
9 ]1 E- l" f/ D4 T/ `/ w9 USomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
5 A" p6 j- [8 V9 C$ I: [  XHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
! q6 [1 L" u  H5 V5 b3 h' D
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

, S' v) J2 V" ]8 C$ p7 E( e哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？