请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
; a# }7 Q* l) t- h5 aThanks a lot!!!
# i" ^# f) U0 O$ Z

" O3 _% A7 j9 P* l- n

: ~3 @5 `4 q5 V
0 c7 g& o2 j1 G* s( c# y" w) R

Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
% e6 i2 \5 g3 F9 {7 A+ G7 g" p+ r1 u$ i              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
, I2 _0 @# J( u7 G3 F! t              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
, e; U) q7 d1 A0 }' g/ y( k              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
( X  t: B0 `- _) g8 A$ ]              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
% H0 S3 K% u. ~' J6 V) ?1 q! {However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
% i7 I* M" x  X% ~2 Y             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  K( t4 ]4 @5 @5 J9 [& v1 a4 _3 ?$ I, e             somehow I lost myself inside again
+ I: O% u. D  Q  \Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
" g/ W, J9 W/ [, R2 J7 a2 V( ?Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
/ [, j+ K! N6 O- x: D* ^' yBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
% R2 N- d2 B& l/ d               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
, E6 C; k- q4 Q) `) |$ I% gBut........         
) X( f3 m% f) a. CIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
* p* L' @3 f  G1 Q' m
卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

" d0 I" C1 r. v( e

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
4 z( }# \; [$ i. o1 i( B  eSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
0 U( b3 P9 R( L7 H4 LSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
8 }$ s& D; F; s# J# S8 s+ CSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
& d) M8 |9 ^9 \8 \0 }. S
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
& m) a& u5 o! c, jSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
. V; ?8 y/ e( W' oSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
2 l  ~: x2 H$ K: t( S1 h# KHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
% t/ A5 i/ Q) O4 t* A0 i. I  @# u6 c- ^
! u4 g! X+ K: vsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
3 F4 e6 c! q8 H4 d=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
- R+ l0 i# S6 o: u我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？