Unluky young man

billzhao

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
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, D6 \! _. M# a$ k9 M* F- I, L! WThe pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
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4 V' B! H2 R/ C" m$ p$ V"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that."
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"Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."

The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
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Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
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The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
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$ q# i  ]* R5 B4 g4 O' `The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

billzhao

The following is a dirty joke, please be cautious before deciding to have a big laughter
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The word "midget" is a key word, which means very short a man, extremely small a man.

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billzhao

The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk.
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1 `- E/ z9 ?( q* fThe first one out the door at 2:00 o'clock weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car.
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Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes.
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: u# ]: u( @+ X. p/ {4 a$ X' HMeanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot.
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Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away.
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Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing.
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The policeman asked the man to take a breathalyser test, to which he readily agreed.
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" U4 D) z! u0 I1 w- tWhen the reading was 0.0%, the policeman said, "How can this be?"

To which the man replied, "Because tonight, I'm the designated decoy."

billzhao

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billzhao

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."
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So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
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Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" she had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.
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' _% \3 B/ ]! X" D% YHer friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."

9 a0 n7 x& Y) [( w5 iShe said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"
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8 E6 f6 H4 L! O2 L/ M* H1 p"I sure did, " said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

小熊之家

very funny jokes. thanks for sharing!

[ 本帖最后由 billzhao 于 2009-2-22 13:56 编辑 ]

billzhao

A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is."
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) c7 g% S% d( a, q" b' AThe Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink.

" N) }) G! g4 ~The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?" The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night." The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog."
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Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor.

The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act." The drunks says "not for sale". The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat." The drunk say, "deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat.
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The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?"
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The Drunk says, "Relax, the frog is a vantriliqist"
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Note:
Vantriliqist means Ventriloquist, a person who practices, or is skilled in, ventriloquism

Xbfeng

沙发沙发沙发

raining

haha, i love that funny story, i wanna c the others, pls show me

raining

hahaha,,,i love the "no no no"story, i will share these to my bf, thanks a lot.

; n6 j: f. g& t9 Q/ C[ 本帖最后由 billzhao 于 2009-2-24 22:25 编辑 ]

cg666

kankan

klark

funny

贝壳

Mpman

billzhao

原帖由 raining 于 2009-2-22 20:21 发表
: H/ l+ @1 c. ?" U& y& x! ehahaha,,,i love the "no no no"story, i will share these to my bf, thanks a lot.

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不好意思，不小心把编辑当回复按了。
他喜欢吗

schultz

that is a good one

playball

原帖由 billzhao 于 2009-2-22 13:27 发表
( t+ L6 |0 s. \- U6 Y% wThe following is a dirty joke, please be cautious before deciding to have a big laughter
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+ o, f# J9 k! ]5 {  e! C2 gThe word "midget" is a key word, which means very short a man, extremely small a man.

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